JediKai
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TJA Savior
Posts: 5,560
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Post by JediKai on Jul 20, 2006 2:13:43 GMT -5
What I meant was that if your family isn't supportive due to the way they see things, I'm hoping you can find others who will see it your way and be supportive, as people are here. If you don't want to go on base for help, what about Military One source? www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspxI don't remember whether your husband is Army? Army Community Service has had financial counseling in the past. You don't necessarily have to tell them why, but you could perhaps get some help with better ways to handle money. If it's not Army, the other services have similar programs. |
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Post by himiko sabbrawrra on Jul 20, 2006 3:09:27 GMT -5
What I meant was that if your family isn't supportive due to the way they see things, I'm hoping you can find others who will see it your way and be supportive, as people are here. If you don't want to go on base for help, what about Military One source? www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspxI don't remember whether your husband is Army? Army Community Service has had financial counseling in the past. You don't necessarily have to tell them why, but you could perhaps get some help with better ways to handle money. If it's not Army, the other services have similar programs. I know.. and he's navy. I really do know how to handle money. I was raised on how.. I just have never really thought on it nor cared because Ive always managed to pay for things and I had my husband. I have a friend who's dad was in the navy for a very long time and he actually sent a grand to his son whos my friend because of this. The only thing now is that he has a bank issue he neds to fix so he can give me the money. With that I plan to open a new account and place it all in there and pretend to not have it. Then with each paycheck I get I am goign to put at least 25 to 30 in it and leave it in there. Work off my other paychecks to pay for food and eletric and all that stuff.. SO I have a plan.. all I have to do now is wait on him and wait for this place to open up. So unless another disastor happens I should be alright on starting my new life. It's just that now I don't know what to act like to my parents for this stuff. |
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Mon-Jas Charan
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"Poena Vigoratus. Pullus cavo vix. Palma , est eternus"
Posts: 2,630
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Post by Mon-Jas Charan on Jul 20, 2006 9:06:07 GMT -5
Parents / Family are usually too close to the situation to understand. Also they are only thinking of them selves at a time like this … how is your divorce going to look to their friends. It is not your friends, your hobbies or past actions that lead to this. So, in most cases they find fault in the things they don’t want to understand and blame the person closes to them. Looking to family or clergy for support, in my experience 13 years ago, you will not always find it. My support came from the most unlikely source. Not because they told me what I wanted to hear, because they told me what I needed to hear. I’m sure you will find your support point too. You will live through it, if you choose to. If you allow yourself to think you are failure, you will be drawn in to the pits of despair. From your last post it seems like you have made a plan. Take the time to grieve, but do not dwell on it. Devoice is like someone dieing, but you also know the death is not real, they will go on with their life as you must go on with yours … Remember in devoice as in death, “Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not.” You are is our thoughts as you work through this.
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Post by himiko sabbrawrra on Jul 20, 2006 9:48:10 GMT -5
Parents / Family are usually too close to the situation to understand. Also they are only thinking of them selves at a time like this … how is your divorce going to look to their friends. It is not your friends, your hobbies or past actions that lead to this. So, in most cases they find fault in the things they don’t want to understand and blame the person closes to them. Looking to family or clergy for support, in my experience 13 years ago, you will not always find it. My support came from the most unlikely source. Not because they told me what I wanted to hear, because they told me what I needed to hear. I’m sure you will find your support point too. You will live through it, if you choose to. If you allow yourself to think you are failure, you will be drawn in to the pits of despair. From your last post it seems like you have made a plan. Take the time to grieve, but do not dwell on it. Devoice is like someone dieing, but you also know the death is not real, they will go on with their life as you must go on with yours … Remember in devoice as in death, “Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not.” You are is our thoughts as you work through this. Thanks. I do have a plan which is good,but im also terrified to see him as I go threw this. Part of me will want to not go to the base anymore after all this is said and done. I will for food as I have friends that will take me on base for it all. Ill still have medical benifits at least beinf a navy vet per say.. but that dont get me base rivilages..  but some things are at least looking up. You are right.. I don't need to miss him. He's been gone for 6 moinths anyway so thats not the issue.. its I htink everything else.. |
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Post by jedi12 on Jul 20, 2006 10:26:45 GMT -5
I am soooo sorry to hear about this himiko,I know you have been through a lot in the last few months and I know that what is going on now is not helping but you know that I am here for you and I will be praying for you,Just hang in there you will make it I have faith in you I know you can do it
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Post by Cara Drume on Jul 20, 2006 10:46:13 GMT -5
Oh, Himiko....I'm so sorry. Hang in there, okay? Your parents saying it was your fault is nothing but rubbish. I mean, splitting up over Star Wars? Yeesh! Jauzmynn is absolutely right. 'If a mouse lives in a cookie jar, that doesn't necessarily mean he is a cookie'. People who say they're Christians may not be, and acting like that is definately not Christian behavior. (though sadly, several people, both Christians and everyone else, do act that way) I'm not perfect either, but pointing fingers and adding insult to injury is just plain heartless. I'll be keeping you and your situation in my prayers. |
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Post by Leda EmBorr on Jul 20, 2006 12:50:24 GMT -5
Himiko, hang in there... in a year you will look back and be proud of yourself, because hardship, as much as it hurts, does make you a stronger person. I know that is hard to imagine right now.
I'm sorry your familiy is not supporting you. It is not your fault! There are circumstances that are out of your control. Just control what you can, and that's you.
Take each day as is comes, and don't let feelings of defeat overpower you. They'll cripple you! Stress will make you sick, so do everything you can to release it quickly. Don't give up.
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Post by himiko sabbrawrra on Jul 20, 2006 13:19:32 GMT -5
Thanks guys. I know I dont need this to ruin my life. Tonight I am goign to go to karate class and Im goin g to watch movies. Im not going to let this stall me either from doing events here and mabey Ill be able to find another person someday that will want me for me and share the fun I have in star wars and conventions.
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Post by Xorren Hedrasii on Jul 20, 2006 13:28:06 GMT -5
I know I want to say something about this, but I can't really think of how to say it, but I'll try. I give you my support, dont let it get you down (altho that's nearly impossible) and kick posterior and collect nomenclature.
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Post by jedi12 on Jul 20, 2006 13:28:30 GMT -5
there you go you will find someone I know you will you are a good person
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Post by Jauhzmynn Enz on Jul 20, 2006 15:20:59 GMT -5
I'm 'clergy' but I defintaly don't give platitudes and won't say what a peron wants to hear, but what they NEED, like Mon-Jas' friend did for for him.
I'm praying that if the plan is to work, that it will.
This situation won't be easy. From what you've mentioned Himiko, you've support coming areas you probably never thought it would.
It is quite wrong for him to hold a past wrong agaisnt you. Love doesn't hold past mistakes and wrongs, it doesn't fight unfair either. It forgives, sipaitent, kind long suffering, trusting.
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Post by himiko sabbrawrra on Jul 20, 2006 18:03:45 GMT -5
WHat makes this bad is that in one of the emails he gave me today he said he still loves me.. but hes still goign to divorce me anyway. This is part of what I got just a bit ago,,
was also wondering iff ill need toi be aranging a ride from the airport
i
have one lined up more or less but i just want to be certan. and as
ive
said i still love you but this relation ship has been killing me on the
inside and it has been making us both miserable. i dont want to
torment us
both because im a bit brocken there is no reason to do that to you
So now I don't know.. but hes still going to do this.
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JediKai
Message Board Member
TJA Savior
Posts: 5,560
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Post by JediKai on Jul 20, 2006 23:27:56 GMT -5
Sounds like you have a good plan. It's good you're going about your usual activities. I bet karate helps.
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Post by himiko sabbrawrra on Jul 20, 2006 23:35:47 GMT -5
trust me.. it did.. I felt alot better after class. Everything came back to me very quickly too snese this was my first class in about 2 months. I never thought about my situation once the whole time and I got to see a guy there who is really cool. I told him it was loking like I was going to be permantly staying here and he asked if that was a bad thing. So I think he kinda likes me but Im not sure. If he does hes got more in common with me sense he does like star wars and he does cos play and such.. but all in all I htink I am going down a right path like you all say
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Post by Cara Drume on Jul 26, 2006 23:31:45 GMT -5
There you go; take out all that frustration and hurt on a punching bag or a board. Martial arts are great stress releivers.
Speaking of which, I need to get back with my escrima sticks...
Keep on hanging on. 'Never give up, never surrender.' Corny movie, but good thing to remember.
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but some things are at least looking up. You are right.. I don't need to miss him. He's been gone for 6 moinths anyway so thats not the issue.. its I htink everything else.. 
